I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
Randomize
