I wish I only lived at night.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
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