my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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