i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
