We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
