Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize
