You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
I'm really busy with my period
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
