He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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