the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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