Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Randomize
