I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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