i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
