My hand turned me down
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
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