I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Randomize
