Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Randomize
