Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
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