Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
Randomize
