Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Randomize
