I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
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