I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
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He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
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You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
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