Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
