I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
Randomize