i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
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