I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Randomize
