her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
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I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
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You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
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