people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
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