I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
