my soul wont recognize me after tonight
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
I yelled at your uterus for you.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
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