i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
My pussy is not your playground.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
Your shirt... Was in my pants
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize