remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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