UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
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