Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
Randomize
