I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Randomize
