I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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