When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize
