dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
I AM VODKA MAN
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
