And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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