does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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