My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
