I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
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