you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Randomize
