Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Randomize
