I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
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