He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
