i wish peter jackson would direct porn
found the other keg... it's in the tree
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Randomize
