They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
