why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
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