Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
