He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
