If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
