i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Randomize
