Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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