He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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