I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Randomize
