I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
