matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
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