Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
