she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
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