heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
