Dude my mom stole all your condoms
I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
Randomize
