thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
A bitchslap is in order.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
