I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Randomize
