so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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