Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
