What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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