I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
My Sexting was not on an AP level
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Randomize
