I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
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