tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
