Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Randomize
