shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
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I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
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I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
i now understand why vodka
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
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