I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
