is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
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