Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
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