You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
