you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
Two words: blizzard sex
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
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