i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Randomize
