Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
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