Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Randomize
