So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Randomize
