Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
My ass is underappreciated
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
