your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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