I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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